The Real Reason Busy Women Struggle to Get in Shape—and the Single Mindset Shift That Fixes It
"I don't know what to do."
"I know what to do I just can't seem to get myself to do it."
You know that kind of frustration?
You’re busy. You’re capable. You’re disciplined in literally every other area of your life. You can run meetings, manage a team, keep a calendar that looks like Tetris, and still remember to text your friend back (it might be 3 days later, but you remember).
But when it comes to getting in - and staying in - shape, it can feel like you’re somehow always stuck in "almost".
You exercise (when you can).
You eat pretty healthy (most of the time).
You try to be consistent (but sometimes...life).
And yet… your body isn’t changing the way you want it to, your energy is all over the place, and it feels like getting in shape keeps demanding more from you than you can realistically give.
Let’s clear something up: if this is how you feel, you’re not broken. You’re not “undisciplined.” And you're certainly not the only one.
You’re just using a strategy that was built for someone else’s life.
First: what does “in shape” actually mean?
For most of the women I coach - driven, successful, used to being good at things kinda women - incredible shape looks and feels like:
You’re strong (and getting stronger)
You feel energized, not depleted
You have muscle tone and your body feels athletic
Your workouts feel like a skill you’re improving—not punishment you have to endure
Your clothes fit better, your posture changes, your presence changes
You trust yourself because you keep promises to yourself
And yes—body composition changes. Fat loss can absolutely be part of it. But being in shape is built from strength, consistency, and self-awareness—not cardio marathons and calorie slashing.
What it doesn't mean: a number on the scale. Too often, women judge themselves and their fitness level based on what the scale says. But I've found over the years, that there is no real connection between weight and a body that is in shape and you feel good in.
What that means for you: it's important to define what "in shape" means to YOU, specifically. If you left the number on the scale completely out of it, how do you define fitness?
Invisible friction: why it can feel so hard to get there
Here’s the part no one talks about enough: getting in incredible shape isn’t complicated. But it is uncomfortable, it does take time, and it’s very easy to make it harder than it needs to be.
Managing your fitness is not your only job
Most fitness plans are written for the ideal: a schedule with free time, a life with less stress, a person with fewer obligations and decisions to make each day. The reality = a good fitness plan should work on the best days and plan for the hardest, too.
Working out ≠ training
And there's a big difference.
Working out = sweating, variety, "I made it to the gym!" vibes.
Training = a plan, progression, measurable improvement.
If your week is: spin Monday, random arms Wednesday, Pilates Friday, “I’ll do something Saturday”…your body doesn’t get a clear signal to adapt.
If you want your body to change, your workouts have to have a purpose (and a progression). You have to train. That's where having a plan built for you comes in.
Be honest (no judgement): are you training, or are you working out?
"I eat pretty clean" isn't a diet strategy
Most women who say they “eat pretty well” still fall into one of these traps:
not enough protein (so you’re hungry, snacky, and not building muscle)
under-eating during the day, then chaos at night
“good” weekdays and a weekend that erases the calorie deficit
accidental under-fueling that makes training feel harder than it should
The fix isn't be stricter and do better. The fix is developing habits around a fitness nutrition strategy that gives you what you need to reach your goals while allowing you flexibility for real life.
Perfect and productive isn't where progress is made
Taking time to recover is not a weakness. It's a superpower. Unfortunately we live in a world where being productive - and doing it all seemingly perfectly - is not only appreciated, it's expected. But if you're not prioritizing sleep, stress management and self care, your body is going to push back.
You're measuring success in ways that make you want to quit
If the scale is your main metric, you’re basically letting water retention, hormones, travel, salt, stress, and your last meal decide your self-worth -- and whether or not you stick with it long enough to get the results you crave.
No wonder it feels like “it’s not working.”
Meanwhile you might be:
getting stronger
looking tighter
sleeping better
feeling more confident
…and still convincing yourself you’re failing.
Change does NOT happen in your comfort zone
I’m going to say this kindly, because I love you: your comfort zone is not where body transformations happen.
Progress requires some combination of:
doing hard sets when you’d rather stop
eating with intention when you’d rather wing it
showing up when motivation is gone
being patient when you want a quick turnaround
If you are trying to get in shape, but you balk at any sign of discomfort, you're going to be disappointed.
I'm not saying you have to suffer. And it's not about punishment or guilt. But you must lean to step outside of your comfort zone - on purpose - for a purpose.
The real reason most women don’t break through: we’re asking motivation to do a system’s job
I L-O-V-E LOVE motivation. But it's unreliable. It's fickle. Motivation basically throws up red flags all over the place.
If your plan requires you to feel inspired 100% of the time (i.e. there's no structure, it's really hard to adhere to, it's pushing you faster than you feel comfortable with)...it’s not a plan. It’s a fairytale.
What actually changes bodies is consistency. And consistency doesn’t come from “trying harder.”
It comes from finding/building/committing to a plan that is easy to adhere to no matter how much sleep you got or how much a jerk your boss was.
Which brings us to the shift.
The single shift that changes everything
Stop thinking short-term. Start thinking lifetime.
That's the shift. That is the single mantra/pillar/core value to commit yourself to.
Not perfection. Not more intense. Not “I’ll lock in later now's not the time.”
When you start thinking in terms of forever, you start to realize that the single meal, the single day - that's not what's important. What's important is what you do over time, consistently, sustainably.
Because the woman who trains 3 days a week for 12 months will beat the woman who trains 6 days a week for 3 weeks… every time.
What really changes when you commit to the journey
"The day you accept fitness as a forever thing is the day you stop stressing over quick results and start enjoying the journey."- anonymous
Say it outloud every day: I'm in it to be forever fit.
Write it on a sticky note and post it on your fridge: I'm in it to be forever strong.
Set it as your alarm label: I'm in it so that future me is strong, independant and proud.
If you do this one thing - you start thinking in terms of your whole life - everything changes:
your thought patterns
your belief systems
your priorities
your identity
If you miss a workout, you don't beat yourself up because you know you have tomorrow.
If the scale goes up, you don't let it ruin your mood because you know there's a process.
For the woman who’s “consistent”… but still stuck.
A real story of commitment and progress:
Jill and I have been working together for about a year and a half. When she came to me, she was already working out (on-and-off beach body programs for years), and dieting for weight loss. But she found that between menopause and covid, it wasn't as easy for her to maintain she athletic body she had always had.
YES, she had aesthetic goals for her body. YES, she had weight loss goals. But she really wanted to fall in love with fitness again. To get in shape and maintain that for life. She knew a quick fix wasn't the thing anymore - she was ready for a commitment.
And that has made all the difference.
I started her in a health phase, bringing calories up a bit to improve energy, training and hormone health. Improving food quality and protein intake, sleep (waking up multiple times a night) and stress (she travels a ton for work). We also decreased her cardio and dialed in her strength training plan in terms of technique and effort.
We shifted into a lean building phase to take take advantage of her newfound energy and strength vibes at the gym. Her strength skyrocketed. Hitting PRs every week. Loving the challenge. Weight climbed a bit here as she put on muscle mass, but her body was also changing shape which was incredibly inspiring.
Then we shifted into a fat loss phase. Our goal was to lose no more than a pound a week - we didn't want to risk losing hard-earned muscle mass. She lost about 6-7 pounds before summer, at which point priorities shifted a bit.
We focused on mostly maintaining what she been building - both the muscle mass and the routine - as she leaned into enjoying summer with a bit more room for relaxation, hiking and nature. We used this as an opportunity to improve athletic performance: explosiveness, power, agility, muscular endurance. She crushed.
Once the seasons shifted, we shifted. She was feeling fully energized and ready to shift back into a fat loss focused-phase. That's where you see the dramatic drop in the graph above. That's ALSO where we started seeing this:
All because she committed to the long haul. She didn't balk when the scale went up - she knew she was building a foundation of muscle and good habits. She hit the gas when the time was right, eased up when she needed to, and never once felt "off track".
Always a plan. Always progress. Always real life.
The most common challenge to the Forever Fit commitment
Ironically, the women who come to me wanting fitness to feel like a "lifestyle" are the very same women who - as soon they start achieving that lifestyle - think:
"This doesn't feel hard -- I must be doing it wrong!"
As soon as they find consistency they decide:
“Now I’ll also add in extra cardio”
“Now I’ll cut carbs altogether”
“Now I’ll do a 6-day split”
“Now I’ll do it perfectly”
And then life happens, the plan collapses, and it's back to can’t stay consistent/gotta start over/must be doing it wrong.
The truth (the kind, nerdy, real one)
Getting in incredible shape isn’t about being stricter. It’s not about doing more. And it’s definitely not about punishing your body into submission.
It’s about building the strongest, healthiest version of you with a plan that makes sense for your real life.
The breakthrough isn’t a new workout.
It’s this single shift:
Fit now, fit for life.
Once you believe in fitness for life, the routine, and the results, settle in.
